Still, after recapping the past four years, I couldn't let the Eurovision song contest slip by unnoticed. I've been horribly sick all weekend, and so didn't have the energy to do a full recap. So instead I present to you my 2016 Eurovision prizes.
On the whole, I thought this year was pretty disappointing. It was like everyone realised that with the US and China watching for the first time, and Australia for reals competing, they had to tone down the crazy and actually seem serious. There was a truly shocking number of ballads, and while some of the costumes were utterly cracked out, it was more...Beyonce than Lady Gaga. Which, frankly, was a major let down.
Still, there were a few highlights, so let's talk about those.
CATCHIEST SONG: Belgium
She's like a tiny human disco ball of energy, with diverse back up singers, fun dance moves, and a decent tune.
BEST DRESSED: Croatia
Not only was it one hell of an outfit on its own, but it included an on-stage costume change. And you guys know how I feel about an on-stage costume change.
BEST USE OF THE STAGE: Ukraine
This one was a little tough, but I had to give it to this year's Eurovision champion. I wasn't a huge fan of her song - though it's a very important song and I totally understand why it won - but the projections that accompanied her song were stunning.
MOST DRAMATIC USE OF THE STAGE: Russia
When this started out, I was all "Blah blah, you're just copying last year's winner". But then he took it to the next level, and I was gobsmacked.
WEIRDEST HEADWEAR: Serbia
It's a headdress made out of nearly 80 bobby pins. I mean, it looks pretty amazing. But WHY.
WTF WERE YOU THINKING: Germany
Dear God, Germany, we need to talk about cultural appropriation. I'm sure she's lovely but this outfit had nothing to do with her song and was just a bigass distraction.
VOTE FOR ME AND MY BOOBS: Slovenia
Holy hell, girl. I'm STILL astonished you didn't have a nip slip on stage.
HEY, DON'T I KNOW YOU: Lithuania
It took me a while because he now looks like a llama, but Donny competed in 2012. It's always nice to have repeat performers.
BEST USE OF PYROTECHNICS: Switzerland
She was literally on fire. No amount of fireworks or fire-curtain-things can compete with a smoking bodice.
BEST USE OF TONY STARK'S TECHNOLOGY: Australia
I actually really liked our song, but there's a chunk in the middle there where it looks like Dami's been borrowing tech from The Avengers, and I still don't understand it.
BEST BACK UP PERFORMER: Azerbaijan
The dude in the crop top armour/football gear had basically escaped from Rocky Horror, and it was HILARIOUS.
JUST POPPED BY ON MY WAY TO SOMEWHERE ELSE: This one was a three way tie.
Armenia looks like she's about to compete in a rhythmic gymnastics competition.
Poland looks like he's on his way to defend the barricade.
And Israel? Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's on his way to a Fall Out Boy concert.
BEST SONG THAT BELONGS IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT COMPETITION: The Netherlands
I actually really liked this one. But it's definitely not Eurovision-y. It's Nashville-y.
BEST MOMENT OF THE COMPETITION: Mans taking the piss out of Belarus and his singing-naked-with-wolves routine by appearing on stage like this:
BEST SONG: Love Love, Peace Peace.
Look, I know it was the taking-the-piss song that they did at interval as a joke. But this was definitely the catchiest song of the entire event, and I liked it a hell of a lot better than anything that was competing this year.
So. There you have it. On the whole, I thought this year was pretty disappointing, and I'm glad I didn't bother getting up at 5am to watch it live.
Did you watch Eurovision this year? What did you think??