Remember last year when I rewatched Dawson's Creek and Had A Lot Of Feelings About It? And then when I rewatched The X-Files and Had A Lot Of Feelings About It? Well, over the past six months or so, I've been rewatching Alias and Having A Lot Of Feelings About It. And the other day, I finally finished season 5. Which was interesting, because I'm pretty sure that - much like Dawson's Creek and The X-Files - I never actually saw the final season. WEIRD.
I'm gonna go ahead and warn you guys now, a lot of my thoughts boiled down to "Oh my God, this person who I know from this other show is in Alias and now my brain hurts".
|Oh my God, Will's hair. Also, source.|
- Bradley Cooper!! What is your hair, sir??
- Huh. They're really starting the Milo Rambaldi thing early. I didn't remember that.
- Gina Torres!!!!! This is made of awesome.
- OMG, throwing the bad guys' bomb ONTO THEIR CAR???? Brilliant!
- Is that...JOHN HANNAH??? IT IS!!!!
- Security guards in England with guns? Uh, no.
- Sending secret KGB codes in first edition books makes me suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper twitchy and NO CAN'T DO THAT WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
- QUENTIN TARANTINO IS IN ALIAS. WTF. WHY IS QUENTIN TARANTINO IN ALIAS????
- "Do you really want some space, or are you and I going to get drunk?"
- There is an AWFUL lot of touching between Syd and Vaughn. If it weren't for all the secret agent business, I'd call #secretsexytimes.
- Sark!! Although I swear to God when he introduced himself I thought he said "My name is Mr Sock".
- Sydney Bristow: worst. spy. ever.
- OMG. Professor Walsh from Buffy is investigating Sydney in regards to fringe science. LOL.
- And now John Locke from Lost is in charge of a tribunal to assess Syd.
- Oh, random uni friend guy. Why did you have to make Syd love you and then turn out to be a dick, all in the space of two episodes?!
- Why is Bali so orange???
- Ahahahaha, she's singing on top of a piano in a French bar. WTF.
- SARK JUST SHOT WILL OMG WTF IS HAPPENING.
- Oh. Now Will's being tortured by the crazy Chinese dude from the pilot?
- Really? The ONLY security for a secret underground pharmaceuticals lab is a cheap padlock on the door??
- Syd spends a lot of time bashing things with fire extinguishers...
- Syd and Vaughn just need to face nom already. Like, seriously.
- I love Lena Olin. You know, at this stage.
- Noooooooooooooo, Will. Don't develop feels for Syd!
- Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuw, Shirtless Sloane. *GAG*
- They just used Seattle Grace as a Swiss hospital. LOL.
- OMFG. Syd as a geisha is hilarious.
- "Blood coagulation tests are not 100% accurate." "Yes, but they are reliable." Uh. Whut.
- BAHAHAHAHAHA - this episode stars Ranjeet AND Principal Figgins. AMAZING.
- Faye Dunaway is in this? Why the hell is Faye Dunaway in this?
- FAKE FRANCIE WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE NO MEMORY OF THIS OMFG.
- Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay SYD AND VAUGHN!!!
- Ethan Hawke?!?!?!?!?!?!?
- And now Christian Slater? What is with the guest stars in this program?!
- Syd is literally the worst spy ever. She just rescued some woman, and not only told her that she was CIA, but gave said woman her full name.
- Syd and Vaughn on an ice hockey date is adorable.
- "I love my drawer". Quit being so damned cute, Vaughn. I can't cope.
- Syd is currently wearing wrapping paper as a skirt. I can't even.
- Well. This whole Will and Francie thing has gone somewhere I wasn't expecting...
- Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. I HATE when shows do a time jump.
|This is the most awkward group photo ever. Also, source.|
- OMG. Zachariah from Supernatural!!
- Will's in Witness Protection? Well, that spoils all the fun!
- I'm not buying this Rambaldi "peace" message thing.
- LOL. Jack types in all caps.
- Vaughn is married to Melissa George?! Ugh.
- Ahahaha, Pete from 30 Rock is playing some kind of criminal.
- Fake Francie is not dead and has hilarious hair.
- OMFG, MARSHALL'S DRUMMING PROPOSAL AND VAUGHN'S REACTION TO IT. Hilarious perfection.
- Urgh. A bug eaten hand in a box. GROSS.
- SYDNEY BRISTOW. DO NOT HAVE DRUNK SEX WITH WILL TIPPIN. Oh dear. Too late.
- THE MUMMY!!!! Man, pretty much everyone ever has guest starred in this show.
- Marshall just said "Five by five". Awesome.
- Lauren is an evil skank.
- RICKY GERVAIS?? AS AN IRA BOMB MAKER. OMFG.
- KATE BECKETT IS A STEWARDESS WHUT.
- Revenge-y Vaughn is revenge-y.
- Ew. Jack is macking on his wife's sister.
|How are those matching suit tops on Syd and Nadia?? Also, source.|
- CHUCK FROM SUPERNATURAL OMFG
- Wait, we've relocated the entire show to Washington???
- I do not approve of this. At all.
- Wait. And now they're back in LA again? WTF.
- I can't work out whether Vaughn is trying to be Australian, English or South African. It's kind of hilarious.
- GABRIEL FROM SUPERNATURAL WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON OMFG. Aaaaand he just fell apart into chunks. WHAT.
- Kelly MacDonald is in this episode what is happening oh my God I can't even.
- Balthazar from Supernatural. Jesus, why not just cast Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles and be done with it?!
- Jason Segel OMFG. With a manky one sided goatee. Ahahahaha.
- Ew ew ew ew ew Marshall just had to scoop out some guy's eyeballs with a spork. NOPE.
- ETHAN RAYNE FROM BUFFY. Is melting people's faces off. Whut.
- Vaughn's phone records indicate that he "sent you an SM message". HAHAHAHAHA. WHUT.
- JOEL GREY WHAT IS HAPPENING OMG.
- When the hell did Nadia and Eric go from flirting to dating? Because I'm not sure there was ever actually a point where they started dating... There was just a lot of flirtation and then suddenly he was her boyfriend.
- There is a horse wandering through the middle of the city. Whut.
- Did Nadia just get eaten by zombie people?!?!?!?!?!
- Oh. Not eaten by zombie people. Kidnapped by her psychotic aunt instead. And then turned INTO a zombie person. Womp womp.
- If a giant wall of water is coming at you, why would you STOP RUNNING to check if the doors were going to hold?!
- WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK JUST HAPPENED OMFG I CAN'T EVEN.
|Really, Syd? A whole year and you haven't bought a new suit? Source|
- I have no idea what the hell is happening. Like, seriously.
- Also, Vaughn pretending to be South African is buckets of hilar.
- THEY DID NOT JUST KILL VAUGHN WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK *HULK SMASH*
- It pisses me off that Weiss and Syd are all "Nadia who?" about everything.
- Amy Acker whuuuuut. And she's evil. Of course.
- I'm not loving this season. The whole "Sloane is evil" thing AGAIN? I mean, come on.
- Seriously, does every single person who joins the team move in with Syd??
- I think Tom is trying to be Australian and is failing terribly. Vaughn's South African accent was better than this.
- "I'm going to be a grandfather. A very YOUNG grandfather." LOL, OKAY JACK.
- SARK. WHUT. Oh God. Do NOT have Rachael hook up with Sark. Oh jeez. Too late.
- Ahahahahaha, Rachael's "OH SHIT" face is priceless.
- Syd's not a fan of pain? Hahaha, whut.
- Jack just cut off someone's ear. Ew.
- Syd's parents just delivered her baby. That's kinda gross.
- VAUGHN IS ALIVE WHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT.
- Syd's in a tank top and mini skirt on a mission four weeks after giving birth? I call epic bullshit.
- HOLY SHIT SLOANE JUST THREW NADIA THROUGH A TABLE AND KILLED HER.
- Aaaaand now Renee's dead too. What the hell, episode???
- Oh good. Sloane's hallucinating dead people. That's bound to end well...
- They killed Tom too?? Jesus, how many people are going to die this season??
- Awwwww, Francie flashback. I'm glad they found a way to include her in the final season!
- Sark's irritation at being shot is hilarious.
- I'm sad that they didn't bring Weiss back for the finale, but on the whole the ending could have been worse. Somehow.
And there we have it. So, questions:
1. Did you watch Alias back in the day?
2. If so, what did you think of the final season? Because I wasn't a fan.
3. Is Sydney Bristow the worst spy ever?
3b. How on earth does she ever get anything done considering she must live in a permanent state of jetlag??
Please help me to understand.