Friday, January 4, 2013

Melbourne to LA: the "things I wanted to tweet" edition

So I'm currently sitting in LAX, killing time waiting to board my flight to Washington. I spent a good chunk of the fourteen-ish hour flight over here wishing that I had internet access so that I could tweet all the thoughts I was having. Not having internet access in a tin can over the Pacific, I obviously wrote them all down so I could share them with you later. YAY.
  • I'm currently watching The Bourne Legacy and wishing Kim was here. What up, JRenner?
  • Uuuuuuuuuugh. The kid in front of me NEEDS to shut up.
  • Wait. The kid in front of me is actually TWO kids. Twins. One year old twins.
  • The girl next to me is wearing a parka and a blanket. I'm in a t-shirt.
  • Oooooh, THREE choices of food? What a novelty!
  • Um. Dessert is some kind of cheesecake thing that has actual CAKE on the bottom of it. WTF.
  • Reasons why the window seat sucks: people who just swivel in their seat to let you out, forcing you to clamber over them.
  • Great. One of the twins in front of me has shat itself and the smell is killing me.
  • 20 minutes later, said child's parents still haven't noticed. 
  • FORTY minutes later, said child's parents finally changed its nappy.
  • New theory: all under 5s should be placed in a soundproof booth at the back of the plane.
  • People who talk and laugh in the aisles while the cabin lights are down are EVIL.
  • Goddammit, I'm so hungry. 10 hours with no food? Not cool, Virgin Australia.
  • These children. I AM GOING TO STRANGLE THEM. They never sleep at the same time.
  • Just pulled my blanket out of the plastic. It's crusty. Excuse me while I freeze all "night". 
  • Oh my God. One of the parents just taught the twins how to open the window shades.
  • As a result of the above, half the plane have turned into vampires and are hissing at the sunlight.
  • Fuck, I hate the window seat. Need to pee, but the girl next to me is asleep on her tray table. Am trapped.
  • Watching Brave has made me want to watch The Decoy Bride again.
  • Oh God. Now the OTHER twin has shat itself. KILL ME NOW.
  • Huh. Only 15 minutes for the parents to realise that time.
  • Amount of sleep I have had on this flight: ZERO. Amount of time I have to spend in LAX: 5 hours. UGH.
  • Benefit to the window seat? Seeing the sun rise over the Pacific. 

  • STOP INTERRUPTING THE LAST FIVE MINUTES OF MEGAMIND WITH ANNOUNCEMENTS ABOUT LAX.
  • Things I will never understand: why there are only ever 5 staff working the immigration desks at LAX.
  • My hair smells like airplane. Ew. 
  • Things I will never understand: how people can get to the front of the security line without getting out their ID.
  • Things I will never understand: how the full body scanners detect metal IN MY BACK.
  • Oh my God. I have clean teeth for the first time in almost 24 hours. It is heaven. 
  • There are billboards for Les Miserables all over this terminal. Awesome. 
I have approximately an hour and a half until my flight to DC boards. I plan on spending it eating and taking advantage of the free wifi. Hey, a girl has to prepare herself for further internet deprivation somehow!! 

K xx

7 comments:

  1. The window seat sucks, I agree with you. And small children on a plane...just NO!

    But Yay! for Megamind :)

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  2. The window seat is my only hope for sleep. MY ONLY HOPE.

    ReplyDelete
  3. HA I wanted to "lol" at all of these but I'm at work and that could potentially be awkward to laugh loudly. However, I also dislike the window seat. I can see it's advantages (such as the sun set and sun rise. SO PRETTY) but I like having the aisle.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Even sexy Renner does not make up for the flight from hell. I thought sexy Renner could make up for everything, but apparently not. So glad you made it (mostly) in once piece babe. Shame about your sanity.

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  5. Ugh. Too bad about all the poo.

    At least you'll be at your destination soon! You can de-smell your hair and sinuses!!

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  6. Sorry I'm not sorry for loving the window seat, I can't stand sitting on the aisle side and being bumped by EVERYONE on their way to the toilet.

    Also: I watched Brave before Decoy Bride, so the entire time that I was watching DB I was picturing Merida #parentingproblems

    HAVE FUN IN DC, LADY!

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  7. Love the written-down tweets. LOOOVE! Flights are eventful in the weirdest of ways. ;-) xx

    ReplyDelete

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