Saturday, December 29, 2012

Best of 2012: The worst of everything edition

Okay, kids. I've covered my favourite books, movies and music from this year. Now it's time to talk about the stuff  I watched, read, or listened to this year that really really sucked.

Captain Thunder and the Holy Grail
This movie was like a 90 minute Eurovision song - equal parts "WTF is this??" and "OMG, this is hilarious, but I don't think it's meant to be." Seriously, you guys. It was terrible.

The Mayan Priest by Sue Guillou
This is the first book I ever gave up on reading, and with good reason. I'm not going to expand on those reasons, because you should really go and check out the post I wrote back in February for the full horror. I still can't believe this came out of a publishing house.

Sex and the City 2
My God, this was a piece of shit. Not to mention being incredibly culturally insensitive! I'm glad it only cost me like $1 to borrow it on DVD. I would have been super cranky if I'd paid real money to see it in the cinema.

Death Comes to Pemberley by P.D. James
I wanted to like this, I really did. I mean, Lizzy and Darcy investigate a murder? YES PLEASE. But James went ahead and destroyed pretty much all the characters - they were flat and lacked all the personality that Austen poured into them. Plus, James completely obliterated the timeline by including Anne Elliot and Frederick Wentworth from Persuasion as background characters but setting the book three years before Anne and Wentworth even MEET. Fail.

The X-Files: I Want to Believe
Holy crap, this movie was awful. It was like they couldn't be bothered coming up with a decent plot because they knew that X-Philes would see it regardless of how much it sucked. It sucked so much that I couldn't even bring myself to fangirl over the fact that there are ACTUAL #secretsexytimes

Angelfire by Courtney Allison Moulton
Oy. Imagine if the shallow, self-centred popular girl was the one girl in the all the world destined to save humanity. Yeah. In the words of Rupert Giles, "the earth is doomed". As I said in my review on Goodreads, read whitewhine.com instead, but imagine there are demons and angels and stuff.

Whistle by Flo Rida
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. THIS SONG IS THE WORST. And it's now an ab track for Body Pump, which means I have to hear it ALL. THE. TIME.

Night Life by Caitlin Kittredge
I knew this one wasn't going to end well when I hated the main character by the second page of the book. She's a police detective who's also a werewolf, and she falls for the murder suspect. Who, despite his wife/partner/whatever having just been murdered, is totally okay with falling into bed with bitchy werewolf main character girl. There are sequels. I will not be reading them.

St. Trinian's 2: The Legend of Fritton's Gold
This one actually physically hurt me to watch. Because David Tennant plays a misogynistic, grey-haired bad guy. Also, Rupert Everett (in drag) hooks up with Colin Firth. I think I'd rather sit through the Twilight movies than watch this piece of crap again. And that's saying something.

The Genesis Secret by Tom Knox
THIS BOOK. Ugh. It just never ended. The writing was really choppy, and it was billed as an archaeological mystery but rapidly turned into a book about gruesome murders replicating ancient human sacrifices (in great detail). I seriously considered adding it to my DNF pile about ten times.

My Best Friend's Girl
This movie was so bad that I've actually blocked pretty much the entire thing out of my brain. I CAN tell you that it stars Jason Biggs as a desperate, friend-zoned douchebag who basically gets written out of the story half way through. I don't think I even laughed once.

The Glamorous (Double) Life of Isabel Bookbinder by Holly McQueen
This was trying to be another Bridget Jones. It failed miserably. The main character was a serious pain in the arse with negative a millionty positive qualities. And the inevitable love interest was only in about four scenes. I kept forgetting he existed!

To summarise my feelings about all of these pieces of crap:

Right there with you, Tom. Right there with you.

What are your 2012 worsts??

K xx

10 comments:

  1. "ACTUAL #secretsexytimes" = bwahahahah.

    Love it.

    Oh God, "Whistle"...ugh. UGH!!

    How's this for a "Oh, HELL no!" moment: while at a burger joint in Amsterdam with Yogi several months ago, a British family were sitting nearby...mum and dad with two young kids. Aaaaanyway, Flo Rida's masterpiece (::vomit::) comes on and the father proceeds to -- get this -- animatedly sing the chorus with his six-year-old daughter[!!].

    A subtle-as-a-sledgehammer song about freakin' fellatio. Which he sang. With his daughter.

    My brain exploded, I regurgitated and kicked the dad in the shin.

    Ahem.

    I don't care that the daughter doesn't know what the song is about -- the dad knows. Ew. Ewwwwww. And it's a shithouse song, to boot.

    Stupid people.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Oh God. That is horrific. I can't believe you had to sit through that happening. URGH.

      Delete
  2. There is something uber fantastic about you doing a Worst Of post.

    I don't have anything to add, but I'm really glad I did not partake of any of these "entertaining" options this year.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What can I say, I feel the need to share so that others don't have to suffer through what I have! ;)

      Delete
  3. SWEET JESUS, "WHISTLE" MAKES ME HULK OUT SO BAD. On a scale of 1 to 10, this song ranks as infinity. Times four.

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    Replies
    1. SO MUCH. I nearly died when it started playing as an ab track at Pump. As if I didn't hate the ab tracks enough already!!

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  4. My in-laws gave me 'Death Comes to Pemberley' for my birthday, and I too was disappointed. I thought it would be great, but I agree that the characters were flat, and Lizzie in particular had none of her original spark. It could have been so much better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SO MUCH. It could also have been better if PD James had, you know, cracked a copy of Persuasion and realised that her entire timeline was off. Seriously - it says Anne's birthdate on THE FIRST PAGE OF THE BOOK. And it says on the back cover of pretty much every copy that she's 27 and still single. So...yeah. FLAWED. DEEPLY FLAWED.

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  5. The only one of these I've had the misfortune of experiencing is Whistle, but if you watch this Youtube video dissecting the lyrics, you might be able to laugh every time you hear it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm, I might have to look into that!! Anything to lessen the pain...

      Delete

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