Friday, December 14, 2012

Ancient history, Volume XXXVIII

Previously, crazy trousers, beer pong, and inappropriate snack foods.

The last proper day of our tour dawned bright and sunny. We were up bright and early again, and on yet ANOTHER several-hour-long-stupidly-boring bus trip. We stopped on the way out of Panajachel for group photos and marvelling at the pretty:

From there, it was on to Antigua with a stop at the markets of Chichicastenango. The market crowd was completely insane and somewhat overwhelming. Sara and I briefly considered buying our very own statues of St. Anthony to put on his head in the freezer if he didn't deliver us husbands in a suitable length of time. But ultimately, neither of us could be arsed with the idea of carrying a statue of St. Anthony home again, and we decided on smaller and less confiscatible-by-customs-staff-at-the-airport souvenirs. I bought one of the two rings I own, and the only one I ever wear:

It's silver and moonstone, and cost me about 60 quetzales, or a whopping $8.50. I strongly suspect it's the best $8.50 I've ever spent!

From there, it was back on the bus and heading to Antigua. We arrived not long after lunch, and spent most of the afternoon camped out in the square, using the internet and eating cake at Cafe Condesa. Seriously, if you're ever in Antigua, go eat cake at Cafe Condesa. Hell, just go eat there full stop. They do good breakfasts too!

ANYWAY. That night, we went out for our farewell dinner. And the place we went for dinner had two for one drinks. So obviously, this happened:

Because we're classy like that.

After dinner, we went out for MORE drinks, and Sara and I discovered that when you order Malibu and pineapple juice in Antigua, the bartender will reply "Oh, you mean a Panty Ripper?", which will promptly turn you off your drink, because EW, NO. After visits to a couple of other bars, we headed back to the hotel with grand plans to go shopping and buy lavender jade the following morning.

But then the following morning dawned, and with it came Montezuma's Revenge. And the downside to getting Montezuma's Revenge when you're a history nerd? Your first thought is "Oh God, I have cholera/typhoid/amoebic dysentery/yellow fever/PLEASE KILL ME". In reality, it was probably just food poisoning from the sour cream on my dinner. Or the ice in my cocktails...

The plus side to bathrooms in Guatemala being minuscule? You can puke your guts out into the shower while you're sitting on the loo.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. That was quite the extreme overshare. But it's true.

The day got worse from there. I nearly passed out while taking a shower. Then Sara (who was also not well)    and I had to change hotel rooms. Then we needed to go into the town centre to buy Gatorade and get money from the ATM. And for some bizarre reason, every single taxi and tuktuk driver in the whole of Antigua decided to go on a break at the same time. ALL OF THEM.




Do you know what's not fun? Walking like ten blocks through a strange city when you feel like you might pass out at any minute. Do you know what's double not fun? Walking the ten blocks to find that you have to stand in a long queue to use the ATM. Triple not fun is when you're standing in the queue and everything starts spinning and you're about to pass out, and the bank's security guard comes up to you and starts to raise his gun because CLEARLY you're planning to rob the bank.
Pretty much like this. Except with less trolls in the dungeon, and more guns.

Eventually, I got my money without actually losing consciousness (only because I leaned against the wall while I used the ATM), and we made our very slow and miserable way back to the hotel. I drank two bottles of Gatorade and half a bottle of Pepto Bismol, and slept for twelve hours.

Next up, I don't die from cholera (SPOILER ALERT!), I fly to Mexico City, and have to stand in the longest queue of EVER.

K xx

PS. I promise I won't talk about puking or sitting on the toilet ever again. PROMISE.


  1. Ah, the somewhat less glamorous side of travel. I suppose the trick is not to eat or drink anything and you might be OK (apart from the starvation and dehydration, that is).

    1. I lost about five kilos in two or three days. And when I got to Mexico City, pretty much everything I ate was deep fried based on the logic that nothing could survive boiling oil.

  2. Replies
    1. Thanks! So do I. Although it's kind of misshapen because during winter, it gets really loose and has a tendency to fly off my finger when I gesture. And when it hits the floor, it ends up with a flat spot courtesy of being really cheap.


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