Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Totally a responsible adult

So remember when I decided that it was a completely brilliant idea to leave Canberra and move back to Melbourne, and that I was going to live with my parents until I found a job? And then remember when I decided that instead of finding a job, I should go back to university and do a Masters degree, thus meaning I had no money and would be living with my parents for much longer than planned?

Yes?

The problem with these genius plans is that, a year and several months after the fact, I've basically turned back into a teenager. My parents left for six weeks in Spain on Friday, and since then it's kind of been like Home Alone, except that I'm 29.

Problems I have had since my parents left:
Why is there no food in the house? Because you didn't buy food, you moron.
Why are there no forks? Because you forgot to put the dishwasher on.
Where the hell are all my t-shirts? In the clothes hamper, because you forgot to do laundry.
Why is the rubbish bin so full? Because there's no one else to empty it but you.
What's that weird smell? That would be melting plastic. That metal pan that's on the stove? It gets hot when the stove is turned on. And hot things make plastic melty *slow clap*
Whoops?
Wow, midnight already? Where the hell did the day go? Well, you didn't get up until 11.30am, so........
Where's the medium sized saucepan gone? It's in the pile of washing up you didn't do yet. Oh, gross. Don't just rinse it out and use it again. That's not cool.
WE'RE OUT OF CHOCOLATE. Then go to the supermarket and buy more. That requires finding shoes and brushing my hair. I'll just make a little container of chocolate icing and eat that instead. Yes, that's a perfect and not at all diabetes causing solution...
WTF IS THAT NOISE?????? O.o That would be a floorboard creaking. Perfectly normal sounds in an old house. UNLESS YOU'RE DUMB ENOUGH TO READ NOVELS ABOUT JACK THE RIPPER BEFORE YOU GO TO BED.

Further proof that I've turned back into a teenager who can't fend for herself?
- My nails are currently painted black.
- I leave all my homework to the last minute, because I have 90s TV shows to watch, dammit!
- When friends tell me they're getting married, my response is "I WILL SEND YOU LINKS TO *ALL* THE UGLY WEDDING DRESSES, BECAUSE LOL FOREVER".
- I spent a good chunk of yesterday afternoon dancing around the kitchen when I should have been studying.
- Remember that scene in Easy A where she spends all weekend listening to 'Pocketful of Sunshine'? Yeah, I did that this weekend, except with this:


(Related: When the hell did Taylor Hanson get hot??)

Send help?

K xx

PS. My cousin is coming to stay with me in a few days, which will hopefully reduce the "Oh God, someone's going to murder me in my sleep!" feelings. As for the rest, I suspect I'll just prove a bad influence on her, and then we'll have TWO adults who can't take care of themselves to deal with instead of one...)

33 comments:

  1. I can't live alone because of the "Oh god someone's going to murder me feelings." There are a list of things that make me paranoid for no reason: Being alone at night. Showering at night. Showering in an empty house. (I've never seen Psycho, but I at least know the pretty girl gets murdered in the shower.) Also, standing in front of a mirror in the dark.

    I also have a habit of reading/watching things I shouldn't before bed. Last night, I read an article about that new movie "The Possession" and how it's based on a true story. You're welcome for the nightmares.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT, LEAH??????? O.o

      Also? When I'm alone in the house, I have to pee with the bathroom door open. Because if you shut the door to pee while you're alone in the house, that's when there'll be an axe murderer on the other side when you open the door again.

      A case of the crazies: I has one.

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    2. I have a case of the crazies, too, as shown above. To add to my list of neuroses? I have to sleep with all the doors shut. Bedroom door, closet door, etc. I think it's the whole "the monsters are in the closet" thing from when you're a kid.

      Also, movies are about demon possession are not to be messed with. That shit is real.

      Delete
    3. OH MY GOD, LEAH. We're the same person. I have the same deal with the doors having to be closed. But I also hate ANY of the cupboard doors in the house being left open. It gives me a wiggens like whoa.

      Delete
  2. This entry wins simply because of the Hanson video clip. Your CD is totally in the mail by the way...stay tuned.

    I have that problem with noises every time my boyfriend has band practice. I'm home alone until 3 in the morning and EVERY LITTLE NOISE gets my attention. It's like if I put all the dishes in the drying rack and go to bed, a pot might move slightly and I will flip out. It's not good enough that "The pot simply slip a bit" I over analyse the situation. "WHY DID THE POT MOVE? What supernatural forces caused the pot to move?"

    But I'm pretty sure my house is haunted so it's ok. lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seriously, I'm SO glad that my cousin is coming to stay. Because I'm on the verge of sleeping with a hockey stick next to the bed, just in case there are weird noises in the night.

      And yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay - I'm disturbingly excited about my CD!!

      Delete
  3. This TOTALLY happened to me. I moved out at 25 and I was basically like, "Pffft. Parents. I don't need you." Then I realized I didn't know how to take care of myself and I was basically going to live in sloth forever unless I 1) hired a mid because I found an awesome, 6-figure paying job (far too lazy); B) became an escort and found a rich man to take care of me (not a bad idea, BTW. Still waiting on that) or MARMOSET) learned how to be an adult.

    Now I love, love doing laundry and actually don't mind stuff like cleaning and cooking. Also, having my own place rules because I get to sleep in and don't have to ask my parents to have friends over. Not that I actually have friends. But you know.

    I still run out of chocolate all the time though. It sucks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm equal parts disturbed and impressed at how quickly I forgot all about how to be a responsible adult. I think the week I moved home, I was like "Oh, no, I'll do that load of washing". But within a month, I was like "You want me to hang the laundry, which will take 5 minutes? Uuuuuuuuuugh, WHY ME???? FML..."

      Running out of chocolate DOES suck. Chocolate should be never ending.

      Delete
  4. Wow according to this I'm an adult to the EXTREEME - I purposefully don't buy chocolate so it's not in the house all the time!

    Now that I think about that, that seems like a poor life choice on my part.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, that really does seem like a poor life choice. Although you get to call yourself an adult, and I don't, so...there's that?? ;)

      Delete
  5. I think you can eat mac and cheese all day and that will be ok. I say roll with it. Teenage life 2.0

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I appreciate your support on this <3

      Not gonna lie - I had mac and cheese out of a box for dinner on Friday night. It was amazing.

      Delete
  6. A ha ha ha! Love it! How quickly the parentals just take over the old tasks, and we regress! lap it up, I say (and had been doing!!), you'll slide into the grown up world soon enough!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I'm kind of terrified that I won't survive the six weeks until my parents get home. Or that I'll answer the door eating an expired packet of two minute noodles and wearing a toga made out of a sheet...

      Delete
  7. I'd love a second crack at being a teenager! Without high school though, that was horrible.

    I'll wear cargo pants with velvet crop tops (the horror), wear loads of butterfly clips in my hair, drink Passion Pop, and literally do nothing on the weekends.

    I think you should definitely make the most of this!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ugh, yes. Definitely without the repeat of high school. Although in some ways, uni is a lot like high school (I seem to always sit on the naughty table and we get told we're going to be separated if we keep up our behaviour!!), so maybe it is LITERALLY a second crack at being a teenager!

      Delete
  8. Also, this: "When friends tell me they're getting married, my response is "I WILL SEND YOU LINKS TO *ALL* THE UGLY WEDDING DRESSES, BECAUSE LOL FOREVER"."

    I cannot wait to get home and see what delights you have uncovered. Thanks ever so.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry. I really am.

      (Except that I'm not even a little bit sorry, because it was HILARIOUS. I promise I'll behave when you send through nice dresses that you're considering buying!!)

      Delete
  9. Awwww. Melting the plastic - that sounds like a kitchen mistake I would make. I'm proud.

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    Replies
    1. I nearly emailed you the minute it happened!! But then I used a tea towel to pick up the melted thing, and all the melted plastic stuck to the tea towel and there was awkward panicking, and I forgot...

      Delete
  10. Oh yeah, the "someone's going to murder me in my sleep" thing is one I will never grow out of, scary books/movies not required. Luckily I have a husband and therefore don't spend many nights alone, but there are still rare occasions that it happens.

    The summer before my last year of college, my roommate had moved back home, and there was about a month where I didn't have a job, so I pretty much reversed my schedule, sleeping all day and staying up all night . . . with ALL the lights in the apartment on, and the radio and TV going, even though I wasn't paying attention to either. I can't really remember how I managed once I DID have a job and had to go back to a normal person schedule. Obviously I didn't get murdered, so I guess it worked out alright.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's weird, I was totally fine when I was alone in Canberra. I think because I was in an apartment complex and I knew that someone would hear me scream in the event of an emergency. But in a double brick, freestanding house? Not so much...

      Delete
    2. In a way I get that, but I still think I'd feel safer in my parents' house (wow, I guess I haven't spent a night alone there in over 10 years) because it's in a "good neighborhood," whereas many of my apartments have been in shadier spots. Not that being in a good neighborhood is any guarantee, but hey, if it gives me the tiniest piece of mind, I'll take it.

      Delete
    3. I think I'm more freaked out about being alone in the house since we got robbed at the start of the year. Which is completely nonsensical, because we now have a house alarm......

      Delete
  11. Ha ha ha. You are so helpless. And it is adorable.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you - adorable is better than pathetic, which is my current opinion of my helplessness!! ;)

      Delete
  12. Ah, you made me feel a lot better in still not feeling grown up. cheers.

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  14. Haha I've made icing to eat out of a bowl a few times when there's been nothing sweet in the house. I do not regret it one bit! :)

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    Replies
    1. EXCELLENT. It's always nice to know when someone else makes the same bad decisions as you!! ;)

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  15. Bahahahahah, looooove this. I wouldn't be able to watch a horror movie by myself because of the random "WTF IS THAT NOISE?????" moments. Said moments have lessened, though, since we moved into an apartment back in Feb. :-)

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, I *REALLY* need to stop watching Supernatural before I go to bed. It leads to "CAN'T SLEEP, CLOWNS WILL EAT ME" feelings... Yet another reason to get my hands on all ten seasons of Friends!

      Delete

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