The problem with these genius plans is that, a year and several months after the fact, I've basically turned back into a teenager. My parents left for six weeks in Spain on Friday, and since then it's kind of been like Home Alone, except that I'm 29.
Problems I have had since my parents left:
Why is there no food in the house? Because you didn't buy food, you moron.
Why are there no forks? Because you forgot to put the dishwasher on.
Where the hell are all my t-shirts? In the clothes hamper, because you forgot to do laundry.
Why is the rubbish bin so full? Because there's no one else to empty it but you.
What's that weird smell? That would be melting plastic. That metal pan that's on the stove? It gets hot when the stove is turned on. And hot things make plastic melty *slow clap*
Where's the medium sized saucepan gone? It's in the pile of washing up you didn't do yet. Oh, gross. Don't just rinse it out and use it again. That's not cool.
WE'RE OUT OF CHOCOLATE. Then go to the supermarket and buy more. That requires finding shoes and brushing my hair. I'll just make a little container of chocolate icing and eat that instead. Yes, that's a perfect and not at all diabetes causing solution...
WTF IS THAT NOISE?????? O.o That would be a floorboard creaking. Perfectly normal sounds in an old house. UNLESS YOU'RE DUMB ENOUGH TO READ NOVELS ABOUT JACK THE RIPPER BEFORE YOU GO TO BED.
Further proof that I've turned back into a teenager who can't fend for herself?
- My nails are currently painted black.
- I leave all my homework to the last minute, because I have 90s TV shows to watch, dammit!
- When friends tell me they're getting married, my response is "I WILL SEND YOU LINKS TO *ALL* THE UGLY WEDDING DRESSES, BECAUSE LOL FOREVER".
- I spent a good chunk of yesterday afternoon dancing around the kitchen when I should have been studying.
- Remember that scene in Easy A where she spends all weekend listening to 'Pocketful of Sunshine'? Yeah, I did that this weekend, except with this:
(Related: When the hell did Taylor Hanson get hot??)
PS. My cousin is coming to stay with me in a few days, which will hopefully reduce the "Oh God, someone's going to murder me in my sleep!" feelings. As for the rest, I suspect I'll just prove a bad influence on her, and then we'll have TWO adults who can't take care of themselves to deal with instead of one...)