Monday, August 13, 2012

Movie Monday: Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Welcome to the final installment of "Instead of the Olympics, I'm going to watch awesome British movies"!

This movie is hands down, one of my favourite movies of ALL TIME. In fact, I spent large chunks of Year 10 maths classes quoting chunks of it (and all other things Monty Python) with Emily. I don't think our teacher was particularly impressed. But hey - I passed at the end of the year, and that's what really matters!


Reasons why Monty Python and the Holy Grail is awesome:
1. It's Monty Python. 'Nuff said.
2. The Knights who say Ni.
3. The French guards.
4. It led to the creation of a completely kickass musical.
5. The scene with the wooden rabbit.
6. The random subtitles about Sweden and moose in the opening credits.
7. The scene with the witch.
8. Tim the Enchanterrrrrrrrrrrrr.
9. The killer rabbit.
10. Coconuts.
11. The Black Knight.
12. Sir Robin and his minstrels.
13. The scene with Dennis.
14. The flagellant monks.
15. The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.
16. The Castle Anthrax.
17. This scene:

18. Swamp Castle.
19. God getting cross when people grovel and avert their eyes. HILARIOUS.
20. The Bridge of Death.
21. Swallows.

Plus, the following quotes:
- "Run awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!"
- "What is the land speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
- "Fetchez la vache!"
- "Bring out yer dead!"
- "Go away, or I shall taunt you for a second time."
- "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!" <-- This? Is my favourite Monty Python line of EVER.
- "Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!" "Yes I have." "LOOK!!!" "It's just a flesh wound."
- "What makes you think she's a witch?" "She turned me into a newt!!" "A newt?" "............I got better."
- "Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called 'Arthur King', you and your silly English kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-niggits!"
- "Listen, strange women lying about in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!"
- "I'm invincible!" "You're a loony..."
- "You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!"
- "One second thought, let us not go to Camelot. It is a silly place..."
- "Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?"
- "What's wrong with her? She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huuuuuge...tracts of land."
- "We are no longer the Knights who say Ni... We are now the Knights who say...Ekki-ekki-ekki-ekki-PTANG zoom-boing znourrwringmm!"
- "I told them we've already got one!"
- "Pie Iesu Domine, dona eis requiem. *thunk*"
- "You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with...A HERRING!"
- "Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who..."
- "We want...A SHRUBBERY!"
- "I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy lot of secondhand electric donkey bottom biters!"
- "Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!"
- "Well, now, uh, Lancelot, Galahad and I wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise - not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!" "WHO leaps out?" "Uh, Lancelot, Galahad and I, uh, leap out of the rabbit, uh, and uh...l-look, if we built this large wooden badger.........."
- "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy."
- "How do you know so much about swallows?" "Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know."
- "Help help, I'm being repressed!"
- "And the Lord spake saying 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch toward thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.' Amen."
- "Arthur! Arthur, King of the Britons! Oh, don't grovel! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people grovelling." "Sorry..." "And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy". What are you doing now!?" "I'm averting my eyes, oh Lord." "Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms - they're so depressing. Now knock it off!"
- "And that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana shaped."
- "What an eccentric performance."
- "There are ways of telling whether she is a witch." "Are there? Oh well, tell us." "Tell me. What do you do with witches?" "Burn them." "And what do you burn, apart from witches?" "More witches." "Wood!" "Good. Now, why do witches burn?" "...because they're made of... wood?" "Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?" "Build a bridge out of her!" "But can you not also build bridges out of stone?" "Oh yeah." "Does wood sink in water?" "No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond!" "No, no. What else floats in water?" "Bread." "Apples." "Very small rocks." "Cider." "Gravy." "Cherries." "Mud." "Churches." "Lead! Lead!" "A Duck." "...Exactly. So, logically..." "If she weighs the same as a duck... she's made of wood." "And therefore..." "...A witch!"

So, on a scale of one to a swallow carrying a coconut, how much do you love this movie?

K xx


  1. I am genuinely laughing so hard I'm crying right now. The Black Knight is genuinely one of the greatest characters in cinemtaic history, and Camelot? It is a silly place.

    1. My brother has a Black Knight with removable arms and legs. It is AMAZING.

      I love the fact that Pink Floyd were a sponsor of the movie, using money they got from Dark Side of the Moon. All because they adored Monty Python.

    2. Pink Floyd + Monty Python = quite possibly the greatest collaboration of absurdist brains ever in the history of ever.

  2. This was our movie in high school. We watched it at least twice a month and I can still quote every line. I have the poster in my classroom now and far too often kids ask me what it is. Sigh.

    1. This makes me sad. Honestly, the youth of the today... *tsks* I would recommend that you show it to them, but somehow I suspect the school wouldn't be particularly pleased about that..........

  3. I need to watch this movie as soon as possible! Re-watch, that is, in case you're worrying.

    We went to see Spamalot when it was in Melbourne and it was AWESOME. We may have spent our entire return train trip singing selections from the show, which I'm pretty sure was a public service on our part.

    1. I've seen Spamalot twice - once in New York (for $25! Standing room tickets) and once in Canberra, which was an amateur performance, but still amazing.

      It now makes me sad that the movie doesn't include the fish slapping song.

  4. "If he was dying, he wouldn't have bothered to carve 'Aaaauuuggghhhh'. He'd just say it." "Maybe he was dictating."

    1. I can't believe I left that line out. I adore it. At least partly for the way they enunciate the word "Aaaaaauuuggghhh".

  5. Holy crap, we are mind melting today, I kid you not first after a disappointing round of sushi I decided to ban brown rice from my kitchen, and then after hearing I missed out on Eric Idol singing Always Look on the Bright Side of Life to a background of rollerskating nuns with union jack panties at the Olympic closing I decided I MUST have a Monty Python-a-ton in the VERY near future. Python is EPIC.

    1. There is very little in the world better than a Monty Python-a-thon. I'm now disappointed that I missed the closing ceremony, because that? Sounds amazing.

  6. And I thought the best thing about this week would be 24/7 shark shows on National Geographic Wild. You've proven me wrong. Also? I might have just acted out the elderberries/unladen swallow/witch/Dennis scenes with the people in my office...all in all, a good start to my week. So thank you!

    Also: "help! I'm being oppressed!" used to be what I would shout any time I was in trouble with an adult. For years, my mother didn't understand the reference and I refused to acknowledge our familial relationship.

    1. I wish you'd videoed yourself acting them out in the office. Because that? Wins you a slow clap of all the appreciation ever. I think I'm going to have to get back into the habit of using "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!" as an insult.

      I would refuse to acknowledge that familial relationship too. My brother, on the other hand? Heard "Naughty naughty Zoot!" coming from the TV and yelled "You must give us all a spanking!". I'm sure my mother was rather concerned...

  7. I LOVE 'Monty Python & the Holy Grail'. Thanks for this post, that list of quotes was just what I needed after a long Monday at work :)

    1. Monty Python makes everything better. EVERYTHING.

  8. I love "run awaaaaay" it's my favourite and I use it always.

  9. Bring me a Shrubbery!

    (just had to get that out)

    1. Understandably! My favourite thing about the shrubberies is when they want a second one "With a nice little path running down the middle".

  10. Dennis: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--

    We got to watch it for Medieval Literature (yep, bit of a stretch there) and I was thrilled, just because I love Monty Python. That line *above* was my favourite, that scene is awesome.

    1. I have a tendency to forget about that scene, which is truly unfortunate because it's AMAZING.

  11. I'll be honest, Monty Python isn't one of my favorites. Perhaps it's because I didn't see it until my sophomore year of college and there had been sooooo much hype and build-up prior to that. I think if I'd just seen the movie, I would've been like, "That was funny. I enjoyed that." But since everyone was like, "ZOMGITSTHEBESTMOVIEOFEVERRRRRR," I was a tad disappointed because it was funny, but not my favorite.


Leave me a comment and I'll love you forever (except for spambots...)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...