Welcome to the final installment of "Instead of the Olympics, I'm going to watch awesome British movies"!
This movie is hands down, one of my favourite movies of ALL TIME. In fact, I spent large chunks of Year 10 maths classes quoting chunks of it (and all other things Monty Python) with Emily. I don't think our teacher was particularly impressed. But hey - I passed at the end of the year, and that's what really matters!
Reasons why Monty Python and the Holy Grail is awesome:
1. It's Monty Python. 'Nuff said.
2. The Knights who say Ni.
3. The French guards.
5. The scene with the wooden rabbit.
7. The scene with the witch.
9. The killer rabbit.
11. The Black Knight.
13. The scene with Dennis.
15. The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.
17. This scene:
19. God getting cross when people grovel and avert their eyes. HILARIOUS.
Plus, the following quotes:
- "Run awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!"
- "What is the land speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
- "Fetchez la vache!"
- "Bring out yer dead!"
- "Go away, or I shall taunt you for a second time."
- "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!" <-- This? Is my favourite Monty Python line of EVER.
- "Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!" "Yes I have." "LOOK!!!" "It's just a flesh wound."
- "What makes you think she's a witch?" "She turned me into a newt!!" "A newt?" "............I got better."
- "Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called 'Arthur King', you and your silly English kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-niggits!"
- "Listen, strange women lying about in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!"
- "I'm invincible!" "You're a loony..."
- "You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!"
- "One second thought, let us not go to Camelot. It is a silly place..."
- "Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?"
- "What's wrong with her? She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huuuuuge...tracts of land."
- "We are no longer the Knights who say Ni... We are now the Knights who say...Ekki-ekki-ekki-ekki-PTANG zoom-boing znourrwringmm!"
- "I told them we've already got one!"
- "Pie Iesu Domine, dona eis requiem. *thunk*"
- "You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with...A HERRING!"
- "Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who..."
- "We want...A SHRUBBERY!"
- "I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy lot of secondhand electric donkey bottom biters!"
- "Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!"
- "Well, now, uh, Lancelot, Galahad and I wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise - not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!" "WHO leaps out?" "Uh, Lancelot, Galahad and I, uh, leap out of the rabbit, uh, and uh...l-look, if we built this large wooden badger.........."
- "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy."
- "How do you know so much about swallows?" "Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know."
- "Help help, I'm being repressed!"
- "And the Lord spake saying 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch toward thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.' Amen."
- "Arthur! Arthur, King of the Britons! Oh, don't grovel! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people grovelling." "Sorry..." "And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy". What are you doing now!?" "I'm averting my eyes, oh Lord." "Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms - they're so depressing. Now knock it off!"
- "And that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana shaped."
- "What an eccentric performance."
- "There are ways of telling whether she is a witch." "Are there? Oh well, tell us." "Tell me. What do you do with witches?" "Burn them." "And what do you burn, apart from witches?" "More witches." "Wood!" "Good. Now, why do witches burn?" "...because they're made of... wood?" "Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?" "Build a bridge out of her!" "But can you not also build bridges out of stone?" "Oh yeah." "Does wood sink in water?" "No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond!" "No, no. What else floats in water?" "Bread." "Apples." "Very small rocks." "Cider." "Gravy." "Cherries." "Mud." "Churches." "Lead! Lead!" "A Duck." "...Exactly. So, logically..." "If she weighs the same as a duck... she's made of wood." "And therefore..." "...A witch!"
So, on a scale of one to a swallow carrying a coconut, how much do you love this movie?