Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Ancient History, Volume XXIV

Previously: the dumbest birds ever, nests o' poop, and a Teletubby/Snuggie/sleeping bag.

After five days of doing Not Very Much Because I'm a Chicken in beautiful downtown Quito, it was time to leave Ecuador for Guatemala. Months earlier, when Ness and I were booking our grand adventure, the travel agent informed us that there were two ways of flying from Quito to Guatemala City:

1. Quito to Guatemala City via Bogata, Columbia.
2. Quito to Guatemala City via Miami.

For numerous reasons that primarily seemed to involve "Oh God, we might die" and "Our mothers will have heart attacks", we decided that it was for the best that we NOT have a four hour layover in Columbia.
Totally what happens in Columbia, right?? Source.

When my alarm went off at THREE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING, I began to suspect that this wasn't such a spectacular decision. This feeling got a little stronger as I got into a cab at 3.45am, and a HELL of a lot stronger when I got to Quito Airport at 4am to find that my 6.30am flight had been delayed until 8.15am. There's nothing quite like being told you've gotten up in the middle of the night for absolutely no reason! *sigh*

Public service announcement: Quito Airport at 4am is REALLY boring.

Also? As you can see from this awesome map I just made, the trip via Bogata probably would have left at a civilised hour and would have taken A MILLIONTY LESS HOURS:

The plane to Miami finally left at about 8.30am, and was accompanied by the rudest flight crew I've ever had the misfortune of being trapped in a flying metal tube with. On a plane from Quito to Miami, you'd think that they'd have at least ONE member of the flight crew who spoke Spanish, right? WRONG. Apparently, if all you speak is "American" and you're confronted with a person who only speaks Spanish? You should just yell the breakfast options at them louder and louder as they get more and more perplexed and embarrassed.


I reached Miami at about 1pm, and had the following conversation:
Immigration Guy: So, how long are you going to be in the US?
Me: About 4 hours.
Immigration Guy: Seriously??
Me: I'm en route to Guatemala.
Immigration Guy: Oh, cool! Can you speak Spanish?
Me: I can say "Quisiera un cerveza, por favor" and ask for the bill?
Immigration Guy: All the important stuff, huh? You'll be FINE!

Moral of the story: Immigration staff in Miami are much nicer than in Los Angeles. #justsaying

My flight out of Miami was delayed by two hours. AWESOME. Because what you really want when you got up at 3am and have already had a two hour delay is ANOTHER two hour delay. On the plus side, I stocked up on books and Haribo. On the downside, the plane ride from Miami to Guatemala City took an hour longer than scheduled, so I didn't arrive in Guatemala City until 8.15. AT NIGHT. And from there, it was an hour and fifteen minute shuttle ride down to Antigua and my hotel.

I was starving, but was FAR too much of a zombie to go exploring. So instead, I found Supernatural on the good old WB. And that's the story of how I woke up at 2.30 in the morning wondering why there were people talking in my hotel room, and why all the lights were still on. Including the light in the bathroom...

Next up, I make new friends and climb an active volcano!

K xx


  1. For the story behind the woman on the Segway pushing the pram/stroller, check out Gizmodo.

    1. DAMMIT. Now I look like an asshat. And all because I didn't want to use an "America, fuck yeah!" picture that didn't include a) the Team America marionettes, b) a girl in a star spangled bikini, or c) a cartoon of a bald eagle. Damn you, Google Images... *sigh*

      (Not dammit that the woman found a valid use for a Segway. That part is awesome. Just dammit that Google Images made me look obnoxious...)

    2. It's okay, the Internet is very good at doing that. Rest assured that in the years to come there will be many others who will unwittingly (sometimes maliciously) use Ms. Hofstetter's image, only to have someone else point out how much of an asshat they are being. I think you should take heart in that you merely posted the picture, you did not seize the opportunity to make any disparaging comments about it, ergo, you are a good person.

      Thanks to that picture Melissa Hofstetter has earned a spot in the Internet Hall of Fame, right next to Stella Liebeck. You know Stella, most people do. They just know her better as "that stupid woman who spilled hot coffee in her lap while going through the drive-thru so she sued McDonalds for a bazillion dollars". Except just as with Ms. Hofstetter and her Segway, there's a lot more to Stella Liebeck and The Case of the Spilled Coffee than the average person knows. Take the red pill, Google Stella Liebeck.

  2. Argh, delays! You can just bet that if you'd been delayed by five minutes, though, your flight would have been on time and left without you.

    1. Oh, absolutely!! That's always the way it goes. Stupid planes... I honestly wouldn't have minded the delays so much if it hadn't meant I got up in the middle of the night for no reason at all!


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