Wednesday, June 20, 2012

We're here to exhume your...potato

That's right, kids. I've now finished season 2 of The X-Files, and I STILL have a lot of thoughts about it. And you guys get to read them all, because I can't keep these thoughts rattling around in my head. THERE ARE TOO MANY OF THEM, YOU GUYS. So you're welcome, I guess?

"Really? She's blogging about us AGAIN????" "I know, right?"
  • Mulder is rocking the double denim in Puerto Rico. It's SUPER attractive.
  • Eeeeeeeeuw, giant creepy liver fluke in the sewers. Reminds me of the episode of Buffy where the swim team get turned into sea beasties...
Gross. Also, source.
  • Mulder, your hair looks like a toilet brush.
  • Oh hai, Krycek. You're a tremendouche.
  • Aaaaaah, the mobile phones of enormousness.
  • Nice budgie smugglers, Mulder. EXCEPT THAT NOT.
  • I'm pretty sure classic Doctor Who had better aliens than this...
  • Scully just wrote a cheque for $11.14 worth of groceries. IT'S CALLED CASH, DANA.
  • This sticking an X on the window with masking tape thing is so Batman.
  • Oh, Scully. I'm sorry they put you on such a ghetto life support machine. It looks like it was made by MacGyver out of some toothpicks and a balloon... 
  • Holy crap. Gillian Anderson's post baby having boobs are MASSIVE. It reminds me of Robin Hood: Men in Tights - "Awwwww, Master Robin, you lost your arms in battle... But you grew some NICE boobs!!" 
  • "I've always been intrigued by women named BJ." God, Mulder. You're pure class, aren't you...
  • Urgh, these mushrooms erupting from people's throats are really vile...
Double gross. Also, source
  • And now we've added genetic modification to the list of things they've had to explain (along with IVF).
  • Scully seems to be having nightmares about The Master, three years before Buffy first aired... 
  • Okay. I'm having issues with this now. Scully has spent however many episodes of this season doing autopsies on murder victims in FBI cases. And yet she's grossed out over the victims of a crazy guy who cuts off their hair as souvenirs??
  • WTF. In the VERY NEXT EPISODE there are victims who are missing their eyes and heart, and THAT she's totally fine with???? 
  • OMG. These devil worshippers are doing "The rite of Azazel". Someone check for women burning up pinned to the ceiling of their kid's nursery!! (Any Saltgunners out there?? Appropriately, this episode was directed by Kim Manners!) (If all of that made no sense to you, don't worry. It's a Supernatural thing.)
  • Apparently you could get perfect mobile reception in a root cellar in 1994. I can barely get phone reception in the CBD some days. Perhaps we should reintroduce brick phones with pull out aerials!
  • 1994: a time before airbags in cars.
  • Oh my God. The big dude with no neck and the giant stabby needle which turns people into green bubbly stuff (aka The Alien Bounty Hunter) is Luke from season 1 of Buffy!! 
  • Nice bumbag, Scully. And it appears to have had an undetectable extension charm put on it by Hermione Granger - Scully's got a phone, a gun, her badge, and some kind of lockpick mechanism in there...
  • Okay. I'm pretty sure the bridge that Mulder's sister/alien clone of sister falls off is the same as the bridge in the pilot of Supernatural. (Although the internet seems to not back me up on this...)
  • Wheeeeeeee, invisible rampaging elephants!!
  • Ahahahaha, really crappy quality video calls cost $125 an hour and have to be made from a copy store.
  • Ew, Scully. A mixture of sardine water, lemon juice and the contents of a snowglobe? Given a choice between that and water that makes you old, I'd take the old age water...
  • Mmmm, creepy conjoined twin weirdness... And a dude hammering a nail into his nose... That said, I love this episode - the first of the more comedic, snarky additions. (The title of this post came from this episode)
  • This lady just tied her two year old kid to a sink by his leash(!) so that she could pee. And then ghosts untied her kid, and he got killed by a tiny train. But seriously, why would you leave your kid tied up in a public bathroom at a theme park?? Has she not heard of stranger danger???
  • Wheeeee, creepy Romanian grandmother!! Oh. She just got pecked to death by dead roosters. Of course.
Dead roosters about to come to life and peck granny's eyes out. Also, source.
  • Eeeeeeeeeeuw. Decaying boar filled with bugs and oozing pustules in the Costa Rican rainforest. WHY WOULD YOU TOUCH THAT??? Sorry, scientist dude. You clearly deserved to die.
  • Monk!! Except instead of being a quirky detective, his shadow is sending people into some kind of swirly portal in the floor. I wonder if this is where they got the idea for Sliders from...
  • Wheeeee, mad cow disease!!! Well. Creutzfeldt-Jakobs, anyway. And caused by cannibalism. YUM YUM.
  • Nice Chesty Bonds singlet, Mulder. EXCEPT THAT NOT.
  • Hahaha, Mulder punched Skinner in the face, and now Skinner looks like he's got a hickey next to his mouth. Lol forever.
  • OH MY GOD, KRYCEK. WHY DID YOU KILL MULDER'S DAD??? Also, how very Psycho of you to hide in the shower.
  • So Scully put Mulder into bed, and in the next scene he's in his underwear. WHO UNDRESSED HIM???? HMM????? WHO???????
  • Um. Scully shot Mulder, bandaged him up, drugged him, put him in a car, and spent two days driving them to New Mexico. And now he's shirtless again. Clearly, Scully is a crazy stalker person.
  • Mulder gets perfect mobile reception in a box car buried at the bottom of a canyon on a Navajo reservation in New Mexico. Those 90s mobile phones were SUPER powerful!
"Come on down, Scully. The reception is excellent. Also, there's alien bodies."

Who else hated Krycek? Did you also wonder if Scully was secretly a crazy stalker person? Were you creeped out by the episode with the school teacher who was secretly the Devil, like I was? And were the terms "bumbag", "budgie smugglers" and "Chesty Bonds singlet" too Australian for you?? Because I can translate if required... ;)

K xx


  1. I give you a gold star, no, TEN Gold Stars for the Sliders reference.

    I was shocked and amazed when my boyfriend told me he knew what Sliders was. Most people stare at me like I'm a crazy person.

    1. SERIOUSLY???? You must hang out with the wrong people. I loved the CRAP out of Sliders. I recorded it religiously, because I played hockey on Friday nights (so inconsiderate of the club to schedule my matches then!) and so couldn't watch it when it aired.

      When I run out of The X-Files, I'm seriously thinking about moving on to Sliders. BECAUSE OF REASONS. (And obviously, I'll blog about that too. Because how could I not?!)

    2. I totally loved sliders (well before nearly all the main characters left)!!

      Also a giant EW to that fluke thing. It still creeps me out.

    3. Yeah, Sliders went majorly downhill once Charlie O'Connell joined the cast...

      And it creeps me out too. Sorry for including the picture...

  2. YES I HATED KRYCEK. Thank you for agreeing with me! He was one of the more popular XF villains due to him being fairly attractive (for an X-Files villain, anyway), but I couldn't stand him. At least the Smoking Man was interesting- Krycek was evil and boring.

    In Scully's defense with the "Irresistible" episode, I think she was freaked out because there was nothing supernatural about it- it was just an evil, evil guy. And incidentally, that episode is one of the few pieces of entertainment that can scare the crap out of me. Horror movies never scare me, but that episode did, largely because of the way the guy took ONE LOOK at Scully and decided he wanted to kill her! I've seen that actor on other shows and every time I do, it freaks me out.

    1. One of my friends in high school was obsessed with Krycek because he was attractive. But blurgh. I particularly enjoyed the first episode of season 3 in which he's dressed like a biker. Because lol forever.

      And yeah, that guy was pretty creepy. But it still seems a little weird to me that she could face any number of seriously horrifying thing without batting an eyelid, but even before they knew it was just a regular guy killing people, Scully was all "WHAAAAT?? This is freaky and I don't like it..." So yeah. I just don't know what to make of all that...


    And I understood that entire "Rite of Azazel" Supernatural reference, thanks to reruns on TV during the day here. Ten points to ME!

    1. EXCELLENT!! Ten points to you indeed :)

      And sorry about the pictures. I found an X-Files wiki that included a picture per episode, and I wasn't about to conduct Google searches for Mulder in budgie smugglers or Scully's giant pregnancy boobs. Plus, the wiki pages loaded in less than five minutes on my stupidly slow internet, so that's what I went with!!

  4. Ugh, I couldn't watch most of the x-files cause it creeped me out. But it did teach me that if you eat other people you go crazy.

    1. I totally understand. I'm actually surprised I was allowed to watch it, given how creepy some of the episodes are. I strongly suspect my mum didn't really know what it was about, and thought it was just people chasing alien space ships rather than creepy serial killers and zombies and liver eating lunatics who can crawl through your heating ducts... O.o

      But hey, not eating people because you'll go crazy is a valid life lesson, so at least you got something from it!! ;)

  5. I really, really need to get The X-Files on DVD and watch all this because I am so beyond intrigued by all the storylines it's not even funny.

    "Apparently you could get perfect mobile reception in a root cellar in 1994. I can barely get phone reception in the CBD some days."

    Dude, freakin' WORD.
    ::shakes head::

    Also, "ghetto life support machine" made my day. And you're using the brilliant "tremendouche", yaaaaay! :D


    1. You really do. Some of these storylines are so completely ridiculous that it's not even funny. The episode I watched last night? Involved a guy who basically slobber kissed women to death. Yeah. That happened.

      Frustration over phone reception will be the death of me one of these days. For serious.

      The life support machine is literally just a balloon and some tubes. Ridic. And yes - thank you for introducing me to it. I will treasure it forever, because it is spectacular and describes certain things (ahem, DAWSON LEERY) perfectly.

  6. Krycek was weird though...turned good towards the end. Sort of. I had mixed feelings about him. Now the CSM...him I hated. And somehow he could never die! Despite all that smoking. Those opposing plain packaging for cigarettes should use him as their model! :D

    The spooky kids episodes creeped me out big time. There are some more in seasons to come.

    Lol at the reception underground...maybe bigger the mobile phone, better the reception? :P

    1. Apparently so!! I do seem to get better reception on my new phone than on my old one, which was smaller...

      And YES. I can't stand CSM. Although I find the fact that he's allowed to smoke in office buildings kind of hilarious these days.


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