Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted


Welcome to volume 2 of Kirsti Rewatches Bad 90s TV!! Volume 1, obviously, was Dawson's Creek. Given that The X-Files doesn't have as much of an ongoing story arc as Dawson's Creek does, I'm ending up with waaaaaaay more thoughts about it. So I figured to save your brains (and eyes), I'd split it into the individual seasons. Don't worry - it's entirely possible that I'll give up when it gets incredibly crappy (i.e. after about three seasons), so there probably won't be too many posts about it!


Here's my thoughts from season 1:
  • Ahahahahahahahaha, THE COMPUTERS!! Oh, 1993...
  • This really does make a nice change from the completely cheese-fest dialogue of Dawson's Creek
  • I keep expecting Mulder to channel Sam and Dean Winchester and pull out an EMF meter. 
  • Ahahahahahahahaha, THE PHONES!!!!! They're so old school. The landline phones as well as the mobile phones.
  • Even their glasses are hilarious.
  • Okay, I still love the theme music. Even if the actual credits are dodgy 90s nonsense.
  • SETH GREEN! Playing a flannel-wearing stoner! Awesome.
  • Awwww. Cameras that use film.
  • OMG. I just figured out why the "golden" contact lenses in Twilight creeped me out. Because they remind me of Eugene Tooms... *shudder*
  • Wow. There's almost no paperwork involved for these two. Working for the government must be SWEET in fiction land!! 
  • OMG. Scully. You are wearing WHITE PANTIHOSE. Whyyyyyyyyyy?!?!?!
  • Haha, the blue screening in this show is terrrrrrrrrrrrrrrible. Like when Mulder's apparently phoning Scully from a casino in Atlantic City. Except they've blatantly just put a phone booth in front of a blue screen and used stock footage of a casino. 
  • The outfits are so amazingly 90s. Scully is wearing a suede waistcoat with high waisted jeans. Lol forever.
  • Mulder just requisitioned a car to get from FBI Headquarters to the Smithsonian. DUDE. It's like a 10 minute walk. It's going to take you longer than that to find a freaking parking space!! And to fill in the paperwork to GET the car in the first place.
  • Uh. This woman? Doesn't have a computer on her desk at work. HOW DO YOU GET ANYTHING DONE???
  • This artificial intelligence computer is amazingly awful. Like HAL 9000, only with multicoloured flashing lights...
  • Felicity Huffman! And the guy who played Rack in Buffy! In one episode!! AMAZING.
  • Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy small children... It's like they're a requirement for shows about the paranormal. Supernatural is FULL of them.
  • Uh. They just explained what IVF is. That's how old this show was. There was the possibility that people wouldn't know what it was.
  • MARK SHEPPARD!!!! I swear, he's in every show I love. Firefly. Supernatural. Doctor Who. EVERYTHING.
  • Hahahaha, Scully's dad calls her Starbuck. That's the worst nickname ever.
  • Okay, what the hell kind of prison lets prisoners roam around at night by themselves as they wish? #CONFUSED
  • Wheeeeeeee, the Lone Gunmen! They're brilliantly ridiculous.
  • This werewolf episode. It's AMAZING. It's like Twilight, only BETTER. Because there are no stupid sparkly vampires. And the werewolves keep eating people. Okay, so I guess the only similarity is that there are native Americans who turn into werewolves, and it rains a lot. And there's a mountain lion. I'm sticking by my theory.
  • I remember this episode about the creepy glow-in-the-dark bugs that eat people being much creepier than it is. Shame... 
  • Hurrah, Skinner! The show felt incomplete without his giant shiny bald head.
  • Aaaaaaaah, the days when people could smoke in offices.
  • Scully, WHAT ARE YOUR SHOULDER PADS??? And why are you wearing white stockings with a beige suit and a bright purple trenchcoat??? *head explodes*
  • Janice from Friends! Being a police officer! In yet another episode about a creepy kid! 
  • Eugene Tooms, you are quite possibly the creepiest creeper that ever creeped. You're like Edward Cullen, but instead of sparkling, you rip out people's livers with your bare hands...
  • Seriously, what the hell were my parents thinking, letting me watch this at the age of 13???? Some of time is scaring the crap out of me at the age of 29! 
  • Uh, Mulder? You're kind of a sleaze bag...
I'm almost finished season 2, so that will be following shortly. I'm honestly not sure if it's getting more or less watchable...
"Scully, I thought you said this map would help us find a decent storyline??"
"It's alright for you. My back hurts from lugging these shoulder pads around."
Also, source.

The fashion is getting worse, that's for sure!

Did you watch The X-Files back in the day? Have you watched it since? If so, were you able to quote massive chunks of each episode along with the cast, or was that just me??? (Seriously, that happened. It was kind of creepy. I had no idea I remembered so much of it...)

K xx


  1. The mobile phones are the best, especially the little aerials sticking out of them!!! <3

    I love X Files and rewatch them all at least once a year... except the final few series when Mulder and Scully aren't there and it gets lame.

    1. I have a theory that we should bring back those insane old school brick phones, because they clearly get MUCH better reception than the ones we have at the moment, considering some of the places Mulder and Scully make phone calls from!!

      I think I stopped watching somewhere around season 5 or 6 when it was on TV the first time, so I'm interested to see if I keep watching after that.

  2. Love your snarkilicious observations and witticisms. LOVE.

    I never watched The X-Files properly...which I'd like to remedy so that I can properly freak myself out now at 27. I do remember that episode with those identical twin girls...EEEEEK! Creepy factor was upped to "cover your eyes" in that one.


    As for the early 90s comps, oh man...every time I watch Seinfeld, and when they show Jerry's 1991 Macintosh in the corner, it takes me back to visiting our family friends in Zagreb who had the exact same comp, and playing that popular know the one with the monster-like characters who played ping pong? I've tried googling and can't find it, waaaahhh!


    1. Sadly, I have no idea what the game you're talking about is. I *DO* remember a stupid computer game from the early 90s in which you had to ski away from a monster that would chase you and invariably eat you. But no monsters playing ping pong...

      And yes, you should rectify it so that I have someone to go "OMG HOW IS THIS SHOW SO TERRIBLE AND SO AWESOME AT THE SAME TIME???" to.

  3. Yeh I did find they're much less creepy than I remember - but having said that there was a few times recently that I wished I hadn't watched it with the light off!

    Also - Scully's hair!! I thought nothing of it at the time (along with the horrible clothes), but really it's a terrible shape!

    1. Her hair really is quite terrible. And then in the second season she has that reeeeeally long bob that just doesn't quite work. Aaaah, the 90s...

      I'm actually finding them a weird mixture of "just as creepy as the first time around" and "Wow this is just kind of sad". I think it all comes down to how many/few special effects were used.

  4. This. Is the best post EVER. 1. My ringtone is currently the xfiles theme song. 2. THANK you for noticing the shoulder pads! 3. Have you noticed how SHORT scully is? An 4. I am currently watching The Lone Gunmen spinoff on Netflix.

    1. 1. Haha, that's awesome. 2. It's hard not to!! 3. She's so tiny!! And I actually read somewhere that Scully was meant to be like two inches taller than Gillian Anderson is in real life, so any scenes where they were standing still, she had to stand on a box. 4. THERE'S A LONE GUNMAN SPINOFF??? How do I never know these things?! I didn't know there was a Dawson's Creek spin off either...

  5. Not so long ago I watched ALL the Xfiles again. ABSOLUTE classic entertainment... that was until I cam across Mrs Peacock. I don't remember what series she is in... but holy cow she is the scariest thing in all the land. GOOGLE. I had to get the BF to check under the bed every night for like MONTHS! Love Elle xo

    1. Apparently that's in season 4, so I've got time to get used to the idea of Mrs Peacock. Shall definitely watch it on a night when there are other people home though!!!

  6. I love how most of your thoughts are about how 90's the show is.

    1. You'd think seeing as how it was filmed in the 90s, I'd just go with it. But for some reason, I keep thinking that it first aired in around 1998 (probably from watching too much Dawson's Creek!), so I expect everything to be late 90s style. But it first aired in 1993, and I can't get over how bad the fashion and technology is!!

  7. I LOVE THE X-FILES. And I haven't seen the show in ages! I got into it at kind of a weird time- in between seasons 7 and 8- and since TV on DVD didn't exist then, I then spent the entire summer watching reruns obsessively and getting into Internet fandom. I need to re-watch, too!

    1. The only season I own is season 1, and that's on VHS. So I don't think I've watched any of it in almost 10 years!! It's kind of bizarre to go back and watch it after that much time away.

  8. I must confess to being an X Files fan (thanks to Mulder!!!)...have the entire box set which also includes the two movies. But yes, the 90s stuff does make me laugh. In fact, I just finished re-watching the entire thing the second time a few weeks ago. I'm now onto Scrubs.

    1. I think I'm actually enjoying it more now that I'm into the stuff I've only seen once. Because I don't know exactly how each episode is going to finish!


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