Friday, March 23, 2012

If teeth weird you out, click away now

I think I mentioned to you guys a few weeks ago that I had a dentist appointment. Or perhaps I just whined about it on Twitter. Either way, I was informed at said dental appointment that I needed to have a splint made to stop me from grinding my teeth in my sleep.

That meant another dental appointment several days later to have impressions taken. Which is how I can tell you that dental impression material tastes like Satan's butthole (and no, they didn't have flavoured stuff available - apparently it doesn't hold the impression as well. WEIRD). Today, I had to go back and spend an hour in the chair having the splint fitted.

First of all, if you have to get an anti-teeth-grinding splint? Wear crappy clothes to get it done. You'll end up covered in little plastic shavings from where they file bits off to make it fit your bite properly. Also, you will end up with a mouthful of little plastic shavings, which have a texture very reminiscent of sand. Next, they might have to use some kind of acrylic to build up the underside of it to fit your bite. Said acrylic will smell like burning and make you think that you're going to die when they put the splint in your mouth covered in the stuff.

And then (although I'm not sure if this applies to ALL dentists or just mine), they'll present you with the cast of your teeth. WHAT THE HELL DO I DO WITH THIS, PEOPLE??????????


I mean, seriously. Jorah suggested painting it and using it to hold jewellery or gum. Any other brilliant suggestions?? (Also? Witness the total lack of points on my canine teeth. *This* is why I need the splint.)

Finally, you'll have to pay for your splint. Because nothing says a session at the dentist like a $700 bill! O.o
Not made of gold, despite what I assumed based on the cost.

And that, kids, ends my public service announcement about why you shouldn't grind your teeth.

K xx

[Disclaimer: my dentist and the other staff are awesome. I have no problems with their work, or the fact that the splint will save me a lot of jaw pain/lack of teeth into the future. I just wanted to whinge about being poor and get suggestions on what to do with my plaster teeth!]

18 comments:

  1. I've got a few of those molds from years of braces/retainer work. I usually end up throwing them out lol.

    And wouldn't you know, this week I went looking for my retainer and couldn't find it. Can't get a replacement without the molds and can't get a new one done from my Ortho as he is in Brisbane and I am in Melbourne.

    My teeth are getting more crooked as I type :-(

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    1. Oh no!! That's so unfortunate... Can you make an appointment for the next time you're going to be in Brisbane??

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  2. I already told you, Lipsti. MUSEUM. ABOUT. YOUR. TEETH. End of story. Clearly it's already more interesting than the Salem Witch one, and it's definitely less rancid than the potential Lady Gaga "art of my crap fashion" museum that she wants.

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    1. Excellent points, Milki. Although to be perfectly honest, ANYTHING would be more interesting than the Salem Witch Museum!! ;)

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  3. The stuff they put in your mouth to make these things really does taste like Satan's butthole.

    Also, A+ for both Jorah and Nikki for coming up with winning suggestions and proving for the milliontieth time that the blogosphere is made of awesome.

    There are so many red squigglies on that paragraph. I just added one with "squigglies." LISTEN, GOOGLE CHROME, I MAKE UP WORDS WHEN I FEEL LIKE MAKING UP WORDS AND YOU CAN TAUNT ME WITH YOUR RED SQUIGGLIES, BUT YOU CAN'T KEEP ME FROM MAKING UP WORDS.

    Sorry, I have a literature review due today, sleep and I are recently estranged...

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    1. 1. Thank you for agreeing with my flavour assessment.
      2. The blogosphere really IS made of awesome.
      3. Never stop making up words.
      4. I miss your face <3

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  4. I like the gum holder idea. Makes me think Turing it into a candy dish would be amusing. They might make a good Halloween prop. I had several impressions made as a kid. Never got to keep mine. But at least I got to pick a flavor. Did you ask? Is that how you found out about why they don't use it!

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    1. After she took the mould, I said "Ugh, that stuff is vile! The least they could do is make it mint flavoured!" and the woman said "Oh, they do make it with flavouring. But it doesn't work as well. So we use this stuff." Good call on the Halloween prop!

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  5. I have TMJ, so I have to wear one of those things to bed too. Not only did my TMJ doctor have to grind it down here and there when I would come in for checkups, but occasionally he had to do the same to my teeth to make them fit together properly ::shudder::

    I got one of those impressions not for the TMJ, but when I had braces in high school. It stayed in my bathroom for several years until I moved out and finally threw it away. I have no idea why they gave it to me.

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    1. Seriously! What are we supposed to do with them?? I guess maybe it's in case you lose the splint? But surely in that case it would make more sense for the DENTIST to keep it?

      OMG. I hope I never have to have my teeth ground down. That sounds HORRIBLE. You poor thing!!

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  6. Am I the only one who can't help but wonder how Kirsti and Nicole know what Satan's butthole tastes like? I'm just saying, there's probably a post or two of story there... :P

    It's been a while since I've had to have dental/orthodontic work done -- soon as I got my braces off over a decade ago, my teeth stayed pretty decent -- I do remember the stuff tasting horrible. Can't quite say that I know it tastes like Satan's butthole, though.

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    1. How Sweeney and I know what Satan's butthole tastes like is because we've both eaten mac and bonfire (the tag above will give you the full story). Nothing on earth - including Satan's butthole - could taste worse than that mac and bonfire...

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  7. Art. Turn them into awesome art sculpture you will forever be proud of.

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  8. I'd make/alter a teddy bear and give it some new teeth :-)

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    1. Oh my God. This is the best idea of all time, Kat.

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  9. I used mine as a paperweight for a while, but given the huge amount of paper on my desk and the fact that the window is rarely open wide enough to blow it all of the desk, it was sort of redundant. And then it fell off the desk and I chipped my "front tooth". Besides that, perhaps you could use it as a creepy sort of cookie cutter? I have those Already Been Chewed gingerbread men with artificial bite marks, so how about some REAL ones!

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    1. I think if I were to use them as cookie cutters, I'd have to dip them in some kind of plastic. I'm not sure that plaster residue would taste particularly good! ;)

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