Sunday, February 12, 2012

Dear High School me

A week or so ago, the lovely Gina posted a letter to her high school self on her blog. And it cracked me up so much that I felt the need to do likewise. (Oh, and just as a note to America, high school in Australia lasts for six years.)

Dear High School Kirsti,
You'll probably be devastated to learn that both Friends, The X-Files, and Dawson's Creek have finished. And that Back to the Future II was filled with lies. We still don't have hoverboards or flying cars. Fingers crossed that changes between now and 2015!

Anyway, I have a few tips for you from the future.

1. Whatever you're wearing, DON'T. Take it off and burn it. I know you don't want to be a clone who follows the trends. But a sleeveless silk shirt and (fake) pearl necklace with camo pants from the army disposals shop and hiking boots? Not good. Same goes for an X-Files t-shirt with checked baggy pants, white socks and clunky black patent loafers:
Yes, that's tiny puppy Domino in my lap. Also, please marvel at our ghetto
television. Which was actually switched on, contrary to appearances.
2. Don't drop French at the end of year 11. The crappy teacher won't come back from maternity leave, and you'll regret it.
3. Crying over not knowing how to do long division? Totally not worth it. You'll just have a headache in addition to not knowing how to do it. Mobile phones will have calculators built into them, so it's a total waste of time.
4. Don't quit hockey because there are no mixed teams after under 16s and the girls team is populated by snobs.
Please marvel at the quality derp in this photo...
5. Never EVER tuck your t-shirt in. You're short waisted and have big boobs. It makes you look like a 90 year old man.
6. Do not get a bob. It will make your head look pyramid shaped.
Yes, I wore a uniform. 99% of Australian schools do.
Hair style by Pharaoh Khufu.
7. Wash and brush your freaking hair before school picture day every year.
8. Don't explain your yearbook quotes. No one will remember why they were funny in 10 years anyway.
9. You'll go through six years at the one high school (the longest you've ever spent in one place), and at the end of it, people still won't be able to spell (or pronounce!) your name. Get used to it, kid. It'll happen every day for the rest of your life. The best to date? KRISIITI. Yeah. That happened.
10. Sunscreen: remember to reapply it on school sports days. Spending a week looking like a human panda with a bad case of leprosy? Not enjoyable. [And thank you to Google Images for bringing up a picture of Kim Kardashian when I tried to find a picture to put in here. Apparently Google agrees with that 12 year old from last month]
11. Burn this outfit. Including the shoes and the hat:
12. Don't stress eat your way through year 12. It won't improve your grades and you'll hate yourself for it later.
13. Get in the damned photo. It won't kill you.
14. Embrace the internet. It's going to be where a bunch of your friends live someday.
15. Faking period pain every year during House cross country and going to sick bay? GENIUS IDEA. It'll work every time.
16. Take more photos. Of everything.
17. The day you can finally drop art will be one of the greatest days of your life.
18. Wear ridiculous pants like these while your legs are still that thin:
In my defence, it was a 1970s themed birthday party
19. Try not to come up with slightly rude versions of the Vice Principal's name. It'll make life a whole lot easier when you have to sit next to her playing clarinet in the pit orchestra for the school musical in Year 12.
20. Hang on to these girls. They're awesome and you'll have some seriously amazing times with them:


21. Don't worry so much about your 18th birthday being half way through the first semester of university. Over 10 years later and people are STILL talking about that party.

Don't sweat the small stuff, kid. You'll do okay.

Love,
Kirsti from 2012.

20 comments:

  1. A ha ha ha! This is very funny! Ahhh, all the silly things that the High School version of us cared about! Ha!

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    1. Seriously. I can remember bursting into floods of tears (and freaking my mum out) during the last episode of the X-Files season 3 because Cigarette-Smoking-Man set fire to the filing cabinets in Mulder's office. It was like my world was ending.

      Whereas now, I'd have the same "WTF???" response my mum had at the time!

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  2. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww.......wwwwwwwwwwwww

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    1. To what? How sad and tragic I was in high school? Or tiny puppy Domino? ;)

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  3. *takes off the sleeveless silk shirt and hides the fake pearls*

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    1. Oh, I have no problem with sleeveless silk shirts and fake pearls. They just don't deserve to be paired with jungle fatigues and hiking boots!!

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  4. This is sooo cute and funny!!! I love the walk down memory lane!

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  5. In Tassie it's four years of high school when we get our High School Certificate, and then two of college when we receive our Tasmania Certificate of Ejdumacation. College is only if you want to go on to further ejdumacation like TAFE or Uni. Unless you're at a private school in which case it's six years.

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    1. Yeah, I think it's the same in the ACT. And high school in Queensland starts in year 8. So perhaps in hindsight I should have said "In Victoria". But then again, very few people outside Australia would know what I was talking about... Sweeping statements FTW! ;)

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  6. I particularly like that you reminded yourself to take advantage of thin legs. That is sound advice, my friend.

    But... Wait... Is your name really that hard to pronounce? Kirsti is not that uncommon in the states, though people do sometimes jump the gun and say "Kristi" instead. Isn't it just Kerr-stee? With Aussie- sounding-vowels, of course.

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    1. Yup. Although I would say 'cursed tea' when trying to explain it ;)

      My full name complicates things further. But apparently 'Kirsti' is just as tough. It probably doesn't help that the usual spelling would be 'Kirsty'. I've had Kirsty, Kirstie, Kristi, Kristy, Kristen, Kirsten, Kirsteen (WHAT?!), Christine, Kathy, Katie, Krisiiti, and I have no idea how many others. Plus, when I worked in Brewery Land, a lot of people addressed emails to my surname. Oh, and on one memorable occasion in Nebraska, I got called Gina. I still don't know how that happened...

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  7. Way too funny! I need to do this...and I am still upset that we have not lived up to my expectations from Back to the Future :)

    (yet!)

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    1. Fingers crossed! I'm going to be extra cranky if we never get hover boards or clothes that adjust themselves to fit you...

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  8. I loved this post, and all the photos!

    I might copy the idea at some point. Would rather ignore my teenage self though...

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    1. I thought that. And then I started looking at the photos and realising how hilarious they were. And I knew I couldn't keep them to myself. Like that awful hockey photo. It needed to be shared with the world!

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  9. Haha I also had way too many camouflage pants wearing occasions throughout high school.

    I too may have to jump on this particular bandwagon, as I'm sure I have plenty to say to my highschool self as well!

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    1. Feel free to join in!! And hurrah to not being the only one who wore unfortunate fatigues. I mean, my brother did it too. But he was in Cadets, so it was part of his uniform. I was just trying (and failing!) to be cool...

      That spectacular camo pants/hiking boots/pearls/silk shirt combo? I wore that to the Royal Melbourne Show. I have no idea what I was thinking...

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  10. I'm sorry girl, BUT SOME OF THESE CLOTHES! :)

    You are a brave soul for posting high school pictures because I am mortified by mine.

    Lor

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  11. I veered erratically between the camo pants (also from the Disposals store, as I couldn't fit into the "fashionable" ones back then), and ripped-to-peices black jeans with a flanno, Nirvana style. Luckily I don't think there are any photos of this...

    Also? I HAD THE PYRAMID HAIRCUT TOO!!! Jennifer Anistion may call the "Rachel" cut the ugliest cut on the planet, but at least it paved the way for layers!

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