Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Um... What just happened?

So, kids. Here we are in 2012! How were your New Year's celebrations? Mine were...interesting. Here's what happened:
  • I went to the beach with my brother and his friends
  • Took a scenic tour of Melbourne to get there because you can't get on the freeway going south where we thought you could #mapreadinggeniuses

  • I turned into a four year old and sat in the back of the car going "Are we there yet? I'M SOOOOOOO HUUUUUUUUUUUNGRY!!!!" over and over again until we stopped.
  • Had lunch at McDonald's. They now have to list the nutrition information on the menu boards. Pretty sure one burger combo shouldn't contain 75% of your daily calorie intake *shudder*
  • Had a view of the lighthouse from Round the Twist from the balcony, but neglected to take even a single picture of it...
  • Went to the beach. Highly unusual for me. I spent my time there covering as much of me as possible with a towel to prevent sunburn, trying to prevent sand from getting in the spine of my book, and trying to take photos without looking like a creeper. 

  • Overheard one of my brother's friends coin the term 'festively plump'. Decided it's total genius.
  • Sat through a LOT of "That's what she said" jokes. 
  • Alternated between being intrigued and terrified (if you're new around here: Hi, I have bird phobia) by the massive numbers of king parrots, kookaburras and crimson rosellas that turned up at the bird feeders hanging off the side of the deck

  • Played with glow sticks and sparklers, because apparently we're all five years old
  • Between 10 of us, we ate our way through 2.3 KILOGRAMS of jelly snakes. 
As for midnight, we all walked from the house down to the beach. We reached the beach with about a minute to spare until the new year, and brought out a bunch more glow sticks and a sparkler bomb, which fizzled out miserably. A bunch of small children at a nearby house screaming the countdown at the top of their lungs proved very helpful in establishing that 2011 was nearly over. From the beach, we could see the fireworks at Lorne, further down the coast, along with some incredibly illegal (but very pretty!) fireworks being set off by a bunch of people about 100 metres down the beach. 

I also spent a chunk of time staring up at the sky, because the stars were AMAZING. Sadly, a TARDIS didn't appear... *sigh*
Then, out of nowhere, a random New Zealander appeared. He was stark naked (I gather skinny dipping was involved), very drunk, and *very* impressionable. Someone said something along the lines of "Jeez, mate. You should carry a glow stick so we know where you are and can avoid you [and, by extension, seeing your junk]!" In response, he grabbed a glow stick from someone, jammed it between his butt cheeks, and ran off down the beach.

Well. We could CERTAINLY see him then. Up until the point where he bent down to pick up his clothes, and the glow stick fell out. And he picked it up and THREW IT BACK TO US. This led to much screaming and yelling and "DON'T TOUCH THE GREEN ONE, IT HAS POO GERMS!!!"-ing from certain inebriated members of our group (not me), and the offending glow stick being kicked into a hole on the beach and buried. I pity the small child that inevitably found it the following day... O.o

So there you have it. Between that and Paulie telling me the next morning that he was woken up at 4am by an unidentified couple having very enthusiastic sex (complete with arse slapping) upstairs, I believe 2012 is keen to crown itself The Year of 'What The Fuck Just Happened?'...

Anyone else have any interesting New Year's experiences?

K xx


  1. OK, that is an awesome new years story! I don't have anything to share that will even come close. Happy new year to you!


  2. I couldn't possibly top THAT! We had a quite one. Happy New Year!

  3. Kiwi boys are gross. I grew up with them almost exclusively and can therefore give you a truly valid and accurate opinion. Although if you hadn't seen the gross Kiwi boy's junk then you wouldn't have had this AWESOME NEW YEARS STORY


  4. Well. That was interesting!

    I can categorically state that not ALL Kiwi men stick things in their bottoms unexpectedly. Though I can see how it would be entertaining (from a distance)...

  5. @Erin - same to you! Thanks for stopping by :)
    @Vanisha - that's probably a very good thing ;)
    @Kim - it's true, it does make for an excellent story!!
    @Kat - I think it was the drunken part of his nature that caused him to stick a glow stick up his bottom, rather than the fact that he was from New Zealand. But considering the guys made jokes about him being 'beached iz', the fact that he was a Kiwi stuck with me!!

  6. WOW!

    I spent new years on the plane with a woman who kept shouting down "10 minutes to new years" while I tried to sleep. And also a 3 year old boy needed to get up to pee during taxi-ing for take off and the flight attendent wouldn't let him and so his mom had him pee in a doritos bag.

  7. I just have to say that I love that you call gummy worms "jelly snakes."

    My New Year's Eve was spent waking my husband up every half hour because he was determined to make it to midnight even though he gets up at 4:30am for work every day and so was exhausted. I woke him up ten minutes before midnight, we turned on the TV and counted down, then he went back to sleep. Oh well :) Fine by me.

  8. Love the photos, and am a new fan of your blog :)

    My friends and I have been using the phrase "festively plump" for ages, or just "festive" for short! Sounds so much nicer... "Oh my, I have gotten a little festive!"

  9. @Deidre - I've said it before, but eeeeeeeeeeeeuw...
    @Jessica - oh dear, poor Mike! And jelly snakes are different to gummi worms. Gummi worms have sugar on the outside of them, jelly snakes don't. Other than that, they're the same though!
    @xoCATox - welcome! And just using 'festive' does sound much nicer - I might have to start doing that myself :)


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