But last night? Last night was by far the weirdest. It was my wedding day (which, for those of you who know me in real life, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA), and I was marrying Gene Hunt from Ashes to Ashes. This guy, for those of you who aren't familiar with the show:
Aren't my Paint skills fantastic? I should totally sell my artwork for millions of dollars... Anyway, it was eggplant coloured silk. But the bits on the front were a combination of glittery crap and fake fur (the orange looked like a skinned Muppet). And the bottom bit was a layer of some kind of cheap, shiny navy blue crinkly fabric. Dream Kirsti took one look at it and went "Okay, what the FUCK was Past Kirsti drinking when she bought this thing??"
Anyway, we got to the venue (on the quad bike), and I headed inside to get changed. Only to find that the alterations place had scribbled a bunch of numbers across the neckline of my dress in permanent marker. Like THAT would make the dress worse! And then I remembered that I'd never gotten around to booking a hairdresser or buying fancy underwear, so I was going to have to walk down the aisle with my hair in a ponytail and wearing whatever knickers I'd grabbed from the cupboard that morning. Oh, and I hadn't shaved my legs, and I kept putting my shoes on only to find that I'd somehow put on my sneakers instead of my wedding shoes (which, weirdly given the colour of my dress, were white).
Then the best man came in. Who was the best man, you might ask? THIS DUDE:
Oh, and my engagement ring was a ruby stuck to a piece of tin foil wrapped around my finger. And throughout the whole thing, I knew I was making a massive mistake, but the Middletons wouldn't let me have my phone to call a taxi or whatever.
And then, THANK GOD, I woke up before I had to go through with marrying a character from a TV show in the ugliest dress in history. If anyone has even the faintest clue what the FUCK my brain is trying to tell me, could you let me know?
Please stop smoking crack when I'm not looking. Kthxbai.
Please tell you guys have whacked out dreams all the time too???