Sunday, January 10, 2010

Torture by bogans

Well, Canberra has pulled out all the stops this week. Not only has it been over 30 degrees almost all week - including 36 degrees yesterday, 37 degrees today, and a forecast of 38 and 39 for tomorrow and Tuesday - but since Thursday, the Summernats festival has been in full swing.

For those lucky people who don't live in the ACT, the Summernats festival is a celebration of all things that run on a V8 engine and are painted heinous colours. In other words, it's a car festival that appears to be entirely populated by bogans. For the non-Australians among us, the Homo sapiens bogani is a close cousin of the Homo sapiens rednecki commonly found in North America, and the Homo sapiens chavi commonly found in Great Britain. Identifying features of H. sapiens bogani include mullet hairdos, a bizarre addiction to tracksuit pants and flannelette shirts, a love of Aussie rocks of the AC/DC, Cold Chisel, Hunters and Collectors, INXS, Choirboys, Angels, and Jet persuasion, the wearing of thongs in summer and ugg boots in winter, and a love of the whole Holden vs Ford thing. For further information, go to Youtube and watch the clips of Eric Bana as Poida in the comedy show, Full Frontal.

Aaaaaaaanyway, I suspect every bogan in New South Wales has descended on the ACT this weekend for Summernats. In my opinion, Summernats is a teeeeeeeeerrible idea, because not only is the population of Canberra subjected to a multitude of truly hideous coloured cars (for some reason, bogans are very fond of metallic Cadbury purple and metallic lime green...), blasting doof-doof music, and car engines that go "blublublublublublublublub" at decibels that make your eardrums explode, but it encourages bogans to meet OTHER bogans, and breed little tiny bogans... And yes, there are female bogans present at Summernats - they're looking to win the coveted 'Miss Summernats' title, which appears to require bleached blonde hair, a size 8 figure, and plastic boobs to secure victory.

And of course, in a cruel twist of fate, Summernats takes place five minutes down the road from my apartment. So not only have I been suffering through traffic jams, fireworks, the smell of petrol and burning rubber, and drunk men wearing ridiculous sombreros, but at the delightful hour of 6.45am yesterday morning, the charming individuals staying at the caravan park down the road from my apartment decided they were going to hold drag races down the street. This, of course, required much engine revving and tyre squealing and yelling and cheering. All of which is not conducive to sleep... On the plus side, the proximity of Exhibition Park meant that I got a free concert from the Screaming Jets on Friday night and the Choirboys on Saturday night...

Anyway, the great horror that is Summernats finishes today, and all the delightful participants will be leaving the ACT and heading back up the Federal Highway to New South Wales. Now if only the hot weather would dissipate, I could get a decent night's sleep for a change...........

K xx :)

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